One of the things I worry about is remembering how Eli sounds or looks or all the moments I spent with him throughout his life. In fact, that is one of the reasons I keep this blog. Holidays can be difficult for various reasons. I wasn't sure how this one would feel. It's had its …
Category: Holidays
Thanksgiving
I am often puzzled when people express gratitude for something bad that has happened to them or their loved ones. They might say something like, "I learned so much from [insert challenging experience here], and I am grateful it happened because I am a stronger person because of it." Well, I'm not grateful for Eli's …
Miracles, Coincidences, and Other Disasters
Dear Eli, You'll be happy to know the house didn't burn down today. Ella was hanging out in your workshop, which, if you recall, gets its electricity via an outdoor rated extension cord running to an outlet on the outside of the house. She was cold, so she turned on a portable heater. She was …
Continue reading Miracles, Coincidences, and Other Disasters
Deathversary
Dear Eli, I totally don't know what to call it. Death day? Death Anniversary? We were calling it your graduation, since you graduated from this life, but graduation anniversary doesn't seem right, either. So, when it comes up, we just call it the 17th. [One cousin who read this post uses "angelversary", which is a …
Halloween
Dear Eli, I think you would have enjoyed our efforts to remember you on Halloween. We set up a skeleton, with glow sticks and a candy bowl, at your gravesite so people could trick-or-treat there. That evening, we went to trick-or-treat and saw another group there taking pictures and trick-or-treating. We exchanged a few words …
Seasons
Grief is a constant companion. It is always there. I can be distracted from it. I can ignore it. I can even hide from it, but I can't get rid of it, nor do I want to. Grief reminds me that my son exists. When Eli's biopsy four years ago today came back positive for …
Celebrating
Dear Eli, Happy birthday! We've decided to throw a birthday party in your honor on your birthday this Friday, May 13th. We know you wanted to throw a party for all the people who have supported you and our family throughout your cancer fight these last few years, in appreciation for everything they have done …
Bittersweet Easter
As Easter was drawing near this year, I realized that it would be on the 17th of the month, exactly 5 months after Eli departed this world for the next. I was checking my Facebook messages this morning and had the thought that I needed to check the messages that Facebook doesn't notify me of …
Love Never Dies
My obligatory selfie--I take one every time I visit Eli's grave. I walked with my friend to the cemetery today. We brought a hook to hang one of the Valentines that someone had left on Eli's grave. Adam and I had discovered it several days ago when we had driven by. On Valentine's Day, my …